16 May 2021

One Land Love It: Chubby Unicorn Skin

Coffee. Strong. It is dark; the coffee and the night. I have been invited to hunt a chubby unicorn to collar.

Is the coffee strong enough? Yes. Am I? 

The destination is secret. Chubby unicorns are rare... and hunted for their purported phallic prowess; mumbo jumbo, but it has real side effects.

Extinction - the only one that matters - is exceedingly close. 

And a few choices, some education, and a lot of heart, will make it death or daring life in all its fullness.

5 years ago I was asked to consult on a mad adventurer's trek around the country on a bicycle. It was going to be Christmas, summer in chubby unicorn land. 50 degrees C (over 120 F) regularly, 80 days, 6000km (3725+ miles) and 19 National Parks later he'd done it. Crazy. 

In the 6 months of the campaign, over USD250,000 was "raised" in awareness and spend for efforts to support conservation, orphanages for chubby unicorns (ag sweet, babies!) and anti-poaching initiatives such as this. 

Click here to support and find out more about One Land Love It.

Since then I've run 100's of miles and raised a little more money and awareness for #OLLI. I've joined Sharon Jessop as she set a Guinness World Record (102 consecutive days of half marathons) around Nelson Mandela Bay raising money and awareness for OLLI. And here OLLI invited me on a hunt.

The smell of the reclaimed farming fields, the dazzles and herds, the flocks of songs and twits surround the open vehicle. We've just been briefed as to our roles... I'm going to occasionally make sure the chubby unicorn has a heart beat. Where? 

Underneath the tail. True tale!

A quick hunt. A relic monster with an average phallus is felled with human-lethal doses of sleep-juice.

The excitement of a sleeping tummy hefting slowly up and down at waist height for me (I'm 186cm, 6ft1) is great... for Claire Venn, who wrote the OLLI theme tune, and Jenni Gault (of Jenni Gault Jewellery) it is almost overwhelming. 

Measure the necessary. Place the collar on the ring finger. Give the chubby unicorn a quick manicure.

Job done and we all wake up from the dream reeling. Magic lives in our world because we believe.

Breathe.

Don't stop.

Believe.

Don't stop.

And our kids can too... 

Click here to support and find out more about One Land Love It.

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